Saturday, August 6, 2011

The Banana Slug System: A new and equitable rating scale.

I love a good movie, I love a bad movie as well. Throughout this blog I will rate the movies I watch on a scale of 0 to 5 Banana Slugs. I choose this Gastropod because I like them and when I was three I tried to eat one. Without further ado, here is the scale.

0 - You might possibly attempt suicide if unable to turn off this film. Through either its stupidity or boring nature it will lead you down a spiral into severe depression and self loathing. Avoid. Example: Mindwalk.

1 - You won't wish for your own death but you will for the makers of this POS. They should be hogtied and left to bake in the hot sun before ritual sacrifice to whatever god you worship. Example: An Inconvenient Truth

2 - If this film is free on TV you might forgive yourself, if you paid a rental fee you will seethe for its return. It may include one or two saving graces, egregious and mindless violence, a funny quote, pointless but welcomed nudity. Example: Rambo (2008)

3 - Some watchable moments, good for a few laughs and to tell your friends about. The film has a story, its mindless, annoying, maybe preachy. Example: Laserblast.

4 - Decent flick, maybe it doesn't take itself seriously or the premise was interesting. It has moments of tension and the acting is decent. Still, not something you'd watch again unless drunk. Example: Taken.

5 - Good flick, well written, acted, filmed. A film you would enjoy watching again and also want to turn others onto. Example: Arsenic and Old Lace.

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