Friday, October 28, 2011


This is real opposition, this is a real crackdown. These people roll in with AFVs, machineguns, and snipers and kill protestors. The protestors in Syria know they face the real chance of death, they are brave. I don't know what their final goals are, I don't know if they will win or lose and what they would do if they won. But, I know they are brave.

The OWS people have not and will not face anything like this and yet they still think of themselves are brave.


OWS: Our Whiney Selves

So I can't get away from these OWS protestors on TV, every night another story and depending on the network they are either heroes fighting for truth, justice, and the American way or stinky Hippie's grand kids too stupid to be allowed outside of their homes.
 Well, after a few weeks I must say I lean very hard to the latter. Words pop into my mind as I watch and listen to their idiotic"I am the 99%." Arrogant, self-entitled, blind, weak, gullible, and finally hypocritical. Out of all of these, it is the last that brings the bile up the most. They and their defenders are so blatantly hypocritical.
They hate evil corporations and capitalism! And express this hatred while wearing Hipster un-designer clothes and tweeting their location on their new iPhone that somehow in their extreme poverty they are able to buy and pay for each month.
They excuse this by claiming they are using the tools of the oppressors against them and this is such an obvious lie that those who propagate it show themselves for the propagandists they are. They had these products long before they thought about traipsing out to a park to whine about the debt they incurred through their own actions. They play Angry Birds and download the latest app while waiting for their organic pasta and veggie salad just before they march out to scream and yell some more so the cameras will take a few pictures.
Its all such a heady adventure for them! They are really really making a difference! Soon the foundations of evil capitalism will crumble and their new better society that they have no real idea how to build will rise up out of the ashes! Justice and fairness for all! Because they, with their amazing ability, will succeed in doing what no human beings in the history of this world have done, create a fair and just society where all are truly equal and all have equal property and happiness!
 They let themselves be sold a bill of goods by universities who claimed that for a mere 50,000 in debt they could guarantee themselves a million dollars more income over their lifetime! I've seen the ads, of course I understood that the ads were horseshit. Sure, you can make that if you study something like Survey Engineering or Biochemistry and make yourself a valuable commodity for a market to use. On the other hand, getting your degree in English or History, or Women's Cultural Awareness is not going to do you a whole hell of a lot of good. But it is fulfilling and isn't personal happiness what life is all about? Isn't it?

 But dammit give us jobs, jobs we have no training to do! Its your job to train us, pay us and make sure we succeed because the university told us you would. I cringe everytime I hear an analogy of the government as parent, the government taking care of us. The very idea turns my stomach. How can anyone be so weak? How can they willing want to be a child to daddy government?

Their cries of poverty are lies.

This is poverty.

This is not.

I feel nothing for these brats and that is what they are. They didn't get what they wanted, there lives were not what they were promised and so they cry. Poverty to them is being unable to buy what they want when they want.
We dig our own holes and I have no pity for stupidity. I do not forgive my own stupidity. When I do something stupid I admit it to myself and others, its painful, its embarrassing, and its the right thing to do. These children sicken me. It somebody else's fault, never theirs. I can never and will never agree with or respect someone who behaves this way. I can give a golly goddamn how right they may be about anything. They are worthless humans themselves and so I have no use or time for them.
No one forced them to take student loans. They turned off their brains and spent four to six years getting a degree because somebody told them to. They spent money they did not have doing this and closed their eyes and went lalalalalalala at the thought of ever having to pay it back. They wouldn't have to, it would just go away and besides the paying for it is tomorrow and I am right now, not tomorrow.
I have a hell of a lot more respect for the 1% because they had the drive and guts to go out and take what they wanted. I could care less if they lied cheated and stole to get it, the point is they worked to get it. As dishonest as some of them might have been, they still earned it.
People point out the hypocrisy of the wealthy entertainers who hob nob with the protestors and they are right, it is hypocritical. But it isn't their hypocrisy that angers me the most, it is the lies that the OWS "poor" tell themselves to justify hob nobbing with these visiting stars.

"Oh, yeah they're rich, but they really care! And they really want to pay more! They do!!"
"Well, they can pay more, no one is stopping them. Are they?"
"I don't know, but I am sure they will next year, because they get it, they care and I got my picture with Little Wayne!" (or whoever the fuck it was who showed up in their Mercedes)
"If he cares, why doesn't he just pay for your student loan? Why go through the government?"
"Hey yeah. . ."

Little Wayne seen leaving quickly.

And damn it felt good to rant.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

So I'm manic.

A lot of people are, it is really fun to live with. I get a couple of weeks of dizzying lows where I stare at the TV and am capable of little else. Then I get one or two days of trough-like highs where I clean the hell out of the house write three chapters (if I am lucky) and wait for it all to come crashing apart.
I should take anti-depression drugs but when you are in the lows you can't find the effort to do it worth it and when you are high the last thing you think about is getting drugs to smooth you out.
I think I also have always had a bit of the ADHD, when I write I am able to concentrate for about 10 minutes and then I get up and clean the sink. Halfway through doing that I go back and sit down and type, but then I have to feed the cat, bathroom, change my socks and the TV is too loud, type, make tea, type, drink tea and watch five minutes of a show, get a couple of paragraphs, go to bed.
I use painkillers to focus, I have real  pain all the time, joints, back, neck, muscles, they just always twinge or ache, when I'm on the pain meds it is one of the few times I can focus for more than a few minutes. Sometimes I manage thirty or forty minutes of uninterrupted writing.We have been conditioned to believe using pain meds is bad, but let me tell you what i think about that.
To all those who sit back and cluck their tongues at the poor sod who uses them. . .fuck . . .you. Fuck you and your pain free, smug little life. So convinced that its all in the other person's head and they are just weak. Fuck you because you have never and will never know real and constant pain and do not have a bunch of ass wads doing their damndest to take away the one thing that gives a person a little relief. Who in the hell do you think you are to force someone else to live in pain for no other reason than you feel that somehow relieving the pain is wrong.
I used to think just like you, I used to think that people who took them were weak. . .and then it happened to me and I went through pain you don't even want to know. I have pissed chunky food, read that again dick, I have pissed food, tomato seeds, carrots, chunks of meat, they have all come out the wrong place. I have had a bladder stone as big as a chicken egg and carried it for months because no one could figure it out. And then they botched the surgery and I spent 18 hours in pain so bad I could barely breathe because the asshole doctors refused to give me any pain medication.
I have weighed 113 pounds and had all my guts taken out of my body, laid on a table and sliced and diced before they were put back in. I have scar tissue in placed you can't comprehend. I hurt all the time. I have had multiple catheters which were worn for months. My pain threshold owns you. When I go every two months for an IV and it takes them eight tries to get the needle in and they have to use an ultrasound to do it, I sit in the chair and laugh because, What the fuck eh, why not? My arms are usually a purple and yellow mess for two weeks after. That's my current life.

There are a few of you out there who understand, you go through what I go through all the time and so I urge you, never ever let people make you feel guilty if you try to get some damn relief somewhere. They are the weak ones, they are the ones who yell at the nurse when it 'hurts' cause they had to give blood for the first time in six years. They don't know pain.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

A sad old man

Well, I got taken. Feel like a damn fool. As many know, my wife of eight year ran off with a salsa dancer. As a result of this, we are divorced, a shocking development I know, but those things happen when one of the married pair runs off with a salsa dancer.
 So, I'm a pretty lonely old guy. I sit at home alone seven days a week and stare at the TV. I do other things to, Jesus, whudyawant from me? Being desperate, I signed up for I mean, they have all those great ads on TV, they must be legit. 6 month service, filled out the profile and began to search and mail. Much as I expected, nobody answered my emails except one gal who said thanks but no thanks.
And then. . .someone winked at me. I was taken aback, no one had ever paid attention to my profile. My heart was aflutter. . .yes aflutter, screw you! And so I emailed the gal. She was 36 and (here is where I should have instantly guessed it was a scam) she was actually good looking. She answered and as many people on do, she recommended we communicate with our normal email accounts.
 Now, a smart person would have had bells going off. Somebody on the net you do not know wanting to email through accounts not part of the service. I should have known it was a scam, but you see, I am lonely. I'm lonely and desperate because I know I am going to die alone when I fall down or bleed out from my Crohns, cause nobody is here with me. And so I jumped at it hardly believing this turn of good luck.
 And after one email, a spambot invaded my hotmail and immediately began sending viagra ads to all my friends and family.
 So what did I learn? Hmm, lets see, internet dating services are not a place I wish to go anymore. My writer friend tells me it is better to be single, she's a divorcee as well. And as tired as I am of being alone, I am beginning to agree with her.
Boo freakin hoo, eh?


I found a trumpet just outside my door on the way to work the other day. I took a quick look both directions and grabbed that sucker. Later, I ordered a cleaning kit and I will make that thing shine. I used to play French Horn so upper brass was the enemy, but it feels good to have an instrument in the house again.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Qa...Gha...kad...well he's dead.

And I for one must say I don't care. Had a student in class ask me what I thought of it. He was upset as he opined that the tinpot dictator had really done a lot to improve Africa and to increase its standing in the world. I asked him what and he really couldn't point anything out, but he was sure the man had done a lot for Africa. And after all, the US is really evil so anybody they help get rid of must be a good fellow.
 As I said, he was a tinpot, festooned little man who tortured his own people and made small time trouble wherever he could, good riddance.

Monday, October 17, 2011

They call me Mr. Tibbs!

Just watched a short on TCM about Mr. Poitier, always has been an exceptional actor, one of my favorites. The Lilies of the Field, and In the Heat of the Night. God I love that film. When he backhanded that proud southern gentleman, heh heh. Felt like standing up and shouting, Fuck Yeah! It also had another of my favorite actors, Rod Steiger. I have no idea what his politics are these days, he's probably a lefty and quite frankly I don't give two hoots. He made some fine movies, gave me and many people some great moments and memories and I thank him for that.


This isn't the post you're looking for. . .move along.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

The Tiger

Perhaps the tiger has simply seen it's day.
Ever read Orwell? I read him (by choice! damn good writer) in high school and 1984 had this thing called the hate hour or the daily hate, its been a long time. I do that every morning.
I hate to argue, I can't stomach it. Sometimes I wonder if that was part of the reason my wife left me. We didn't argue, oh she would get mad and yell but I never fought back. I didn't acquiesce either, I simply did not respond. She threw a clock at my head one night and I just ducked and went to sleep. Must have made her crazy.
I get my hate and anger out on the way to work and sometimes on a bad news day, on the way home as well. I snarl, I launch into long tirades against whomever I find disgusting. I think of and express long and poignant arguments that would devastate all opposition. It beautiful. Then I get around people again and clamp down hard.
Had a quasi-debate with a co-worker and my ability to make an argument fled. I babble some inanity about not being entitled to a public toilet and proceeded to lose all track of the point I had been trying to make. Once he left I found I was trembling, I felt sick to my stomach. I couldn't sleep that night and felt sick for the next to days. It wasn't even an angry argument, it was perfectly civil.
In a way it terrifies me. Its a good thing I am a small man with no power and always will be.

Friday, October 14, 2011

I have sold four books.

Four baby, watch me roll.

Five and Dime

Well, awhile ago I wrote about a homeless man here in Honolulu that I was puzzled about. He lives in a nearby park, I walk by him twice a day as I go to and from work. He has a nice set up, chairs, coolers, large umbrellas for the rain, sits and read or makes notes, at least that has been the only things I have seen him do. I figured he was a retiree who didn't have enough for a home but had enough to live in the park comfortably. In Hawaii, its a pretty easy life.
Yeah, he's a drug dealer.
Watched a deal go down two days ago. He sold what I would guess is meth to a well dressed middle aged businessman. Got meth!? So of course I quickly dialed 911 and got the cops out there to get that homeless drug dealing menace off the streets. . .just kidding! I walked right on by.
 Prohibition is unconstitutional, ineffective, and just plain idiotic. Lets see, a woman can have an abortion, that's hunky dory. She can do so because it is her body! Its her right! But on the other hand, if I put a chemical that is immoral. . .WTF? into my body then I am a terrible criminal! I must be locked away!
Uh huh, it seems that it is my body and I can therefore do what I like with it. . .correct? Because if I cannot, then I am going to say the magic word. . .HYPOCRITE.
And I completely and utterly flat out hate hypocrites. I do not hate people, hell as stupid and narcissistic as Obama is, I do not in anyway hate the man. But hypocrites? I could quite happily put bullets into them for a hobby. Just my personal buggaboo.
As far as I am concerned, the homeless dealer can go right on dealing. If some dumb shit wants to poison himself, well its his body.
Smoke up Johnny.